It's not even cold here but there's a darkness and a chill to the month that I loathe. I have a physical reaction to it yearly. I don't know if the year ahead just seems overwhelming or that I am sitting here, again, wondering if I'm doing all the right things and will I figure it out THIS year?
Micah is halfway through first grade in public school. I still don't love it. I knew I would never love large classrooms and less than stellar experiences. I'm still trying to figure out how to help/change/deal. He is picking up language and sayings that make my skin crawl. He has been saying things like " I can have a cookie, mommy?" I recall hearing backward sentences like this when I moved here as a kid from New Jersey. I always found it so odd. I correct him calmly and move on, but boy does it bother me! I try not to pick out the grammatical errors in notes sent home, etc., but I'm not doing very well at that. I'm a communicator by nature and tend to think that any official document from an educational institution should be mostly error free - especially from a teacher.
Overall I am pleased with his teacher - she is trying so very hard and is so encouraging to me and to Micah and I respect her. She told me that Micah is really intelligent and needs to focus because at times, he's missing key instruction. Apparently he spends a considerable amount of time being distracted by other kids not doing what they are supposed to and makes it his business to correct them - causing arguments, etc. I can TOTALLY see him doing this. She told me that she regularly tells him "Micah, you are too brilliant to miss this instruction," and I really think that's cool. Encouraging redirection - I like it. Report cards come home tomorrow - I'm curious to see if he has kept up all his good work. I know he tries hard at homework with me - but then again, he loves anything that involves mommy and daddy. We sometimes have to do homework a bit late with him b/c of Rowan - more on him in a second. Once Rowan is in bed, we snuggle on the couch and do his reading assignments and work on his spelling words and math - quality time is indeed Micah's love language. Speaking of - I highly recommend reading.
Micah is 60 lbs, wears a shoe size of 1.5, is one of the tallest in his class and wears a size 8 in clothes. He's 6 1/2. He looks 8 1/2. It's a bit unsettling. He is beginning to need to wear deodorant and I'm actually a bit freaked out by that. His pediatrician said it was fine, but I tend to think doctors overlook so many red flags. I suspect several things, based on all I have learned in the past couple of years from some clients in the health and wellness field:
I plan to get him tested for food allergies in the near future, along with his daddy. It's been a long time coming and based on the fact that removing dairy years ago led to amazing results (no ear infections or sinus infections starting the day AFTER I removed it against doctor's recommendations), I think it's time for an official test. Micah's skin is sensitive, he has keratosis pilaris, tiny little bumps on arms and face and has since about the age of 2-3. You can't see them, but you can feel them and at times they get really red. I recently red that these bumps, along with other symptoms like lack of focus, irritability (you might recall my diving into a recommendation for ADD/ADHD eval which is currently inconclusive based on his good grades and a stern mama) are signs of a gluten allergy. Gabe has a VERY, VERY sensitive system and can't handle things like oatmeal or whole wheat bread very well...so I'm curious.
Other than that - I suspect we are all what we eat - and try not to think about all the milk I downed while pregnant that was NOT organic, all the meat I ate that was NOT humanely raised, injected with antibiotics and all around gross. I know that sounds extreme - but if you really dig - you'll find SO much linked to food and behavior. It's maddening.
Micah pushes my buttons a lot. A LOT. He speaks how he is spoken to - and sometimes it comes back to bite me and other times, he just needs reminding that he is not the adult. He whines about EVERYTHING and I tend to yell more than anyone in this house likes. It takes some intense self control not to act the way I WANT to act. Lead by example, right? It's hard. He's so darned smart that I can have these "older" conversations with him, or so I think, and then when he acts like an actual 6 year old, I freak out. I need to find balance here.
Rowan. A.K.A. The Rowanator. He is one big funny mess. Seriously. He is so cute and funny - and WWWWWWWWWWWWILD. He climbs on furniture, on the dogs, sits in his high chair for about 1 minutes while he shovels the food in and then he's screaming to get out. He would rather sit in a chair like ours and be a "big boy"...but he hasn't mastered eating with manners - or utensils - for that matter. He plays with all of Micah's toys and only now, after months of this, is Micah tiring of it:). He is starting to hit to get a reaction, but we redirect with "No, love" and he hugs or kisses us. Sometimes I get loud and more stern b/c he has really hurt someone and he puffs his lip out and his eyes water and it breaks me to see his first feelings of shame or embarrassment. I love on him instantly and how him "how" to touch someone or be around someone. He is by no means the "hitting kid" - yet - and I plan to keep it that way!
He can say mommy, daddy, Mi-nah (Micah), tractor, choo-choo, sock, tuck (truck), yeah (if asked, "do you want this or that"), duck-duck, apple (aaaa-bble) and one or two other things I am not remembering. Today he said clear as day "Micah bike" and we almost passed out. We couldn't get him to do it again. He also tries to say "I love you" but only we understand:). He also, just today, said "Da-ddeeeeeeee we aw u" (daddy, where are you) and I flipped. So amazing. Using sign language he says "more," "all done," and "thank you." It's awesome.
Rowan hates ANY kind of restraint - including being on his back for a diaper change. That is a tricky one.
He is currently getting his top molars and is drooling everywhere and waking up early, which is wearing us down. Not having any help with the kids is tough. You don't have kids and expect help, we know that, but we have never had both kids handled for the night and Micah has never stayed overnight anywhere...the opportunity presented itself a couple of times last year, but he wanted to come home, so we of course went and got him. This presents some challenges as a young-ish couple - as we'd love to go out more together and it's so important. We continue to pray through this. We just don't have the funds to regularly have a sitter - as it's at least $10 an hour...and we already spend a few hundred a month on childcare for Rowan for work purposes.
Rowan, at his 15 month check up in December, weighed about 26 lbs and was 33 1/2 inches long, two inches longer than he was at his 12 month check up. He wears a size 5.5 shoe, WIDE, and is in 18-24 month clothes - mostly 2ts right now. He is thicker, if I am remembering right, than Micah was at this age. Bigger thighs, cheeks, etc. I keep his hair longer and it still has a touch of wave after a trim - no curls, but wave, yes:)
Deep down I know this time is flying by. In our hardest moments, like, say, Sunday mornings when there seems to be HOURS to pass before it's time to go to church, we try to have perspective. It doesn't always work. I thought Gabe and I were going to completely blow before 10 a.m. Likely because it was a 5 a.m. morning.
I am in LOVE with my kids and see Micah slipping away just a bit...hard to explain. Some is normal, some is a product of his situation I guess...so I'm looking to alter his situation in whatever way I need to to ensure he has the very best childhood he can, full of love and life.
So far, we're ok, but I'm always looking for ways to be better.
