It used to bother me - not so much anymore.
I get the feeling that my parenting raises an eyebrow or two at times. I find myself, more often than not, feeling defensive or hurt when I likely don't have to. It just happens. Maybe that's just a part of motherhood. Maybe that's something I need to work on. Time will tell.
For the most part my oldest is pretty cool. Ive mentioned his temperament - easily irritated, kinda whiney, in time out ALL THE FLIPPING TIME, etc. He remains, however - fun loving and totally nuts as you can see in this video.
He has a heart of gold and a sweet nature that I am so thankful for - but mostly see in the evenings or around bedtime. I took this picture just a minute ago - this was my hat from way back when and I gave it to him. He didn't want me to leave his room at bedtime but I guess when he did - he decided to keep a little piece of me with him:)
So back to my point - the drum thing. I kind of HAVE to march to the beat of my own drum re parenting partly b/c I feel a bit isolated. My parents live in town but my father works so hard and so much (retiring this year though!) and my mom is very ill with MS and is at home all day. So my kids can't really go to "grandma and grandpas" house often for obvious reasons. I find myself very envious at times of those who have their parents around to help babysit or even just help on a minimal level. But then I get over it. God gives us what we can handle - and I "got this." Right???? Let's hope so.
When Micah was born, I think I went a little nutty. The change in our lives was so abrupt - the colic, the sleepless nights, the immediate stopping of graduate school, my constant reading of every parenting book on sleep habits, my comparisons of myself to other women....ahhhhhhh, sweet memories:) I was SO rigid with Micah - but for good reason - the boy WORE ME OUT. If I didn't stick to a very tight schedule, we would both lose all control. People rolled their eyes, spoke under their breath about my "strictness", etc. It hurt so much to fight a silent battle against who I THOUGHT was everyone I knew.
I remember being around families who were much more flexible...naps were anywhere anytime and the baby was happy, etc. Pop a Baby Einstein in, and the kid would sit for hours....give the baby a hug and kiss and say "night night" and he/she would JUST LAY DOWN. Amazing. Not Micah - not by a long haul. I can honestly say that I didn't sleep through the night for about 2 years. He woke all the time - not out of hunger-he just woke up. Who knows why - maybe a giant SOMETHING was prying his eyelids open. I comfortably say I DO NOT KNOW. I wasn't into the crying it out thing bc it scared me. I didn't understand it. It made me shake inside. But I also wasn't a pushover....so I met him halfway....and eventually we settled. I remember feeling as though no one understood me, what "I " was going through...b/c for whatever reason (anytime you wanna tell me God) I seemed to be the only person in my "circle" with a child "like Micah".
It's funny - even just today, as the repair man was out my house fixing something, he could pick up on Micah. He said "that boy's got a heart of gold, but is a handful, isn't he?" I smiled.
When I became pregnant the second time, I could barely handle the morning I was to find out the sex. I had a dream of a little boy with dark curly hair the night before but then convinced myself I was going to have a girl.
He has a heart of gold and a sweet nature that I am so thankful for - but mostly see in the evenings or around bedtime. I took this picture just a minute ago - this was my hat from way back when and I gave it to him. He didn't want me to leave his room at bedtime but I guess when he did - he decided to keep a little piece of me with him:)
So back to my point - the drum thing. I kind of HAVE to march to the beat of my own drum re parenting partly b/c I feel a bit isolated. My parents live in town but my father works so hard and so much (retiring this year though!) and my mom is very ill with MS and is at home all day. So my kids can't really go to "grandma and grandpas" house often for obvious reasons. I find myself very envious at times of those who have their parents around to help babysit or even just help on a minimal level. But then I get over it. God gives us what we can handle - and I "got this." Right???? Let's hope so.
When Micah was born, I think I went a little nutty. The change in our lives was so abrupt - the colic, the sleepless nights, the immediate stopping of graduate school, my constant reading of every parenting book on sleep habits, my comparisons of myself to other women....ahhhhhhh, sweet memories:) I was SO rigid with Micah - but for good reason - the boy WORE ME OUT. If I didn't stick to a very tight schedule, we would both lose all control. People rolled their eyes, spoke under their breath about my "strictness", etc. It hurt so much to fight a silent battle against who I THOUGHT was everyone I knew.
I remember being around families who were much more flexible...naps were anywhere anytime and the baby was happy, etc. Pop a Baby Einstein in, and the kid would sit for hours....give the baby a hug and kiss and say "night night" and he/she would JUST LAY DOWN. Amazing. Not Micah - not by a long haul. I can honestly say that I didn't sleep through the night for about 2 years. He woke all the time - not out of hunger-he just woke up. Who knows why - maybe a giant SOMETHING was prying his eyelids open. I comfortably say I DO NOT KNOW. I wasn't into the crying it out thing bc it scared me. I didn't understand it. It made me shake inside. But I also wasn't a pushover....so I met him halfway....and eventually we settled. I remember feeling as though no one understood me, what "I " was going through...b/c for whatever reason (anytime you wanna tell me God) I seemed to be the only person in my "circle" with a child "like Micah".
It's funny - even just today, as the repair man was out my house fixing something, he could pick up on Micah. He said "that boy's got a heart of gold, but is a handful, isn't he?" I smiled.
When I became pregnant the second time, I could barely handle the morning I was to find out the sex. I had a dream of a little boy with dark curly hair the night before but then convinced myself I was going to have a girl.
As the ultrasound revealed another baby boy, I cried tears of complete and utter joy. I couldn't wait for another life of rocks, trucks and sticks:)
But then....
People started saying "oh no, hope you don't have another micah" or "wow - are you ok? Can you handle another Micah?"
I was floored. I was hurt. I was defensive. I was ready to PUT MY GAME FACE ON. In fact, I DID put my game face on.
"I'm sorry, what?!" would be my usual response.
Most would retract at the sight of my bulging forehead vein. "I mean...Micah's so full of energy, how will you deal with two?"
"What do you mean?." Would be a usual reply. What people didn't see was the weight on my chest, the uncertainty in my heart. Three hernias in and the hottest summer in recent history, I started to let those comments in. "What if I am awake for the next two years?" I would think to myself." What if Micah totally flips? What if I am not good enough?"
Well.....here I am 9 months later. I got through a second colicky season. I managed to get my anti-bottle newborn on a bottle by 4 1/2 months (was NOT easy) and I managed to get him to sleep through the night much earlier than Micah ever did. I manage to clean up poop and spit up with a giggle. You know why?
I kept all the books closed. Ok, except for like one crazy weak day:)
I prayed. ALL THE TIME.
I looked at this small human with small human parts and LOVED HIM. Took care of him and got some perspective. I watched him.
I was STRONGER this time around.
I was READY this time around.
I was and AM delighted to be "ma-ma."
So. Thank you, my sweet, brilliant Micah - for showing me at age one that you were either gonna BEAT up the whole playground or PICK up those who fall. Six years later you are a mix between the two. There is work to do. Thank you for the preparation.
Wow, Carrie . . . I have a special place in my heart for those kids "like Micah" because I have one - Chip. For years, I endured comments about his energy like "I can see why you haven't had any more" and then when I got pregnant with Deborah comment after comment about "let's hope it's not another Chip." I think I finally started telling people "I would love another Chip." Chip is a delightful, sensitive, creative, witty, and intelligent child, who also dances to the beat of his own drum! I am now starting to become more aware of other parents who have "spirited" children, but during Chip's pre-school years, I felt that I was the only one. Every day for a year, I feared that he would be expelled from pre-school. He has matured into a "Terrific Kid" and had a great school year for 2nd grade. Please keep writing, Carrie! I so identify with where you're coming from! I agree too that the 2nd time around I was more confident, stronger, and calmer. And I no longer care so much about what other people think. The most important thing is what is best for my babies! Love you!
ReplyDelete-Amy